I apologize for the lengthy delay between Adventures, but they really are time consuming. :) I'm going to try to make the next one shorter--I can't deal with another 200+ picture episode. Do enjoy though, please!
All previous Adventures can be found in [the community memories].
This comic, as all the comics, is rated R / Mature for language, violence and the fact that Nine and Ten (and in this story, some others) get it on.
Our story opens in media res, perhaps giving incentive to squeeze in some fanfic stories about what happened between the two serials. Or not.
Nine: What the hell is going on here?! When does this happen in the movie?!
Ten: Everything that is happening now is happening now.
Nine: What happened to then?
Ten: We passed it.
Baby Moondancer: Just now.
Nine: Okay. Let's start over. What are you two doing?
Ten: We're playing chess!
Nine: ... there are no pieces on your chess board. Also, it's made of cardboard.
Baby Moondancer: Is he just now noticing?
Ten: It's mental chess.
Nine (OS): You're mental, all right.
Ten: Did you hear something, Baby Moondancer?
Baby Moondancer: Not a thang but a chicken wing.
Nine: Look, you two. I just came to say we've arrived.
Baby Moondancer: Is it one of the Master's affairs?
Nine: What? ... no?
Baby Moondancer: I'm not interested then.
Nine: You wanted to see humans. So we're here to see humans.
Baby Moondancer: Did somebody forget to take their Prozac this morning?
Ten: He's just jealous because he doesn't have knee joints, like I do, and thus couldn't film the chess set sequence.
Nine: Au contraire, Dix! I like you on your knees. ;)
Baby Moondancer: Truly, that was more information than I needed to know. Ever.
Nine: Oh, shush you two. Let's go.
Ten: All right, but if you're going to be Mr. Poopypants, I'm going to time you out.
Our trio of heroes steps out of the TARDIS and into the modern world!
Baby Moondancer: Whoa!
Ten: . . . where are we?
Nine: Some sort of motorway, I guess?
Baby Moondancer: This isn't going to be a Cars crossover, is it?
No sooner than it's said is Ten almost run over by cars.
Ten: Hey, mother fucker! I'm walking here!
Ten: Come back here, you lily-livered bastard! I'll shove your axel down your muffler!
Nine: I love it when you talk dirty. It's so not BBC 1. But, calm down. They're just cars. And we are in the middle of the street.
Ten: You died in the last two serials, remember? That means it's my turn this time, and I don't wanna. So be quiet.
Baby Moondancer: I think you both need some Prozac.
Ten: Where are we, anyway? Earth?
Nine: Yeah. Looks like circa 1976. I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess London.
Ten: Nah, it's California again, I bet.
Baby Moondancer: We've been to California?
Nine: Well, actually, where we found you was California. Just, you know, 65,000,000 years ago. Give or take. Hey. We should've looked for Adric.
Ten: That's mean.
Nine: I know. Couldn't resist.
Baby Moondancer: So, um. Anyway. For those of us not addicted to Old School. Back to the plot: Wow, cars! Where are the people I asked to see?
Ten: Humans, you mean? Yes, well.
Nine: It's California. We'll find them. Eventually.
Baby Moondancer: Famous last words.
Nine: No, those were "Go to your room!"
Ten: So. We walk?
Nine: We could try to hitchhike.
Ten: We have a talking unicorn with us, remember? And no towel.
Baby Moondancer: I'm standing right here. And I can be quiet. Just pretend I'm a horse.
Ten: Talking horse. Not much better, really.
Nine: Hitchhiking it is!
Ten: Really should've remembered to bring a towel.
Baby Moondancer: The TARDIS is right there, still, you know.
Nine ignores the unicorn, however, and flags down a passing van.
Nine: Hello there! I'm Nine, this is Ten and uh, Baby Moondancer. Fancy helping us out?
Daphne: Nine and Ten? What interesting names.
Freddie: Baby Moondancer? All right, totally groovy!
Daphne: What do you think, Velma?
Velma: Jinkies! Is Baby Moondancer hot? If she's totally hot, then yes!
Nine: Baby Moondancer is a horse.
Ten: But if you're into that sort of thing...
Freddie: Get in, boys!
Baby Moondancer: Well, they seem nice.
Ten: I have a feeling I'm going to be murdered here.
Nine: Relax. It's the 70s. Everyone is all about love and peace right now.
Shaggy: Like, zoinks man. You guys got anything to eat? I'm totally starved!
Nine: What the fuck is that!?
Ten: Oh, joy. A burned out hippie. I take it back: I'll be doing the murdering.
Baby Moondancer: Um. 'Neigh'? Or is it 'Moo'?
Scooby Doo: Rhat ruz rhat?
Baby Moondancer: . . . a talking dog?
Shaggy: We're all fucking delusional here! Weed is great!
Freddie: Come on guys, put the horse in the back and let's go!
Nine: Where are we going exactly, anyway?
Velma: The Saint Louis Pub!
Daphne: In San Francisco. It's the bee's knees.
Velma: Sweetie it's the 70s, not the 50s.
Shaggy: Lucy in the sky with like, diamonds man!
Scooby Doo: Rah rah!
Baby Moondancers: I'm about to get all horrowshow ultraviolence on you vonny chellovecks if you don't shut up.
And so our heroes find their humans and are whisked away.
Freddie: So where are you headed?
Nine: To hell in a hand basket, seemingly.
Ten: He gets like that.
Velma: *giggles* Oh, that's naughty, Daphne!
Freddie: I think you'll like the St. Louis Pub. It's your kind of place.
Nine: Sounds vaguely familiar.
Ten: We have a 'kind of place'?
Nine: We're a we? I thought we were an I.
Baby Moondancer: Kyle's mom is a bitch! She's a big fat bitch!
The journey is a long one, made even longer by Velma and Daphne's squelchy antics in the front seat, and Shaggy and Scooby smoking joints in the back.
I realize this is not the Mystery Machine. But it's groovy anyway, isn't it?
Nine: I think this is our first ever road trip.
Ten: I think this is the most boring Adventure yet.
Eventually, they arrive at the St. Louis pub, in San Francsico.
Nine (OS): Um.
Ten (OS): Chic.
Freddie: The eagle has landed!
Nine: That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.
After waking up, everyone disembarks.
Nine: Why do I feel like I've been here before?
Ten: Why do I feel like you've been here before?
Freddie: Well, I did say it's your kind of place. ;)
Nine: What, exactly, does that mean?
Ten: I do not think that word means what you think it means.
Daphne: Can we make like a tree and leave?
Velma: Yeah! Before we get eaten.
Baby Moondancer: Eaten?
Nine: I won't get et! You shoot me if they take me!
Ten: Anger, fear, agression; the Dark Side of the Force are they.
Nine: Explain what you mean by "our kind of place" Freddie.
Freddie (OS): Well, look at you two--dressed alike, in black leather no less, matching pairing names, and traveling with a sparkling pink pony? Isn't it obvious what you two are?
Freddie (OS): I mean, look at who I'm traveling with: Velma and Daphne, who are totally into each other.
Freddie (OS): And Shaggy and Scoob are totally rocking that beastility thing.
Nine: Oh my fucking Rassilon!
Ten: It's the 70s man, remember. It's the 70s.
Nine: Three and Four never did any beasts!
Ten: . . . K-9 much?
Nine: . . . omfr stfu.
Ten: I'm just sayin'.
Nine: You are so defriended.
Freddie: It's clear to me, and my friends, that you two are Absolutely Fabulous and in love. So I've brought you to the most fabulous gay bar.
Freddie: Okay, most fabulous gay bar in all of San Fran.
Nine: Are we really that obvious?!
Baby Moondancer: Please. You two exude gayness. I'm surprised BPAL hasn't bottled it.
Ten: Do you think this is such a good idea?
Nine: Why? You having doubts?
Baby Moondancer: Hey, I want to get drunk and high. Ya'll can wait in the car if you'd rather.
Ten: I've just got a really weird feeling about this place. And not like a "I'm going to die this episode" feeling, either.
Nine: You're jealous we'll find Fitz here and I'll leave you, aren't you?
Baby Moondancer: What's a Fitz?
Nine: Nevermind. We're going. I didn't ride all the way in that stinky car for nothing.
And so, despite their apprehensions, our heroes venture into the bar, along with the Scooby Gang.
Shaggy: Hey, macarena!
Freddie: I'll cover the admission, just so long as you guys buy some drinks. My hot boyfriend is the bartender, so I can get us mad hook ups.
Upon gazing at the bar, the two are astounded.
Nine: Wow, I haven't seen that much alcohol since I was Four.
Ten: . . . I haven't seen that much since I was Eight.
Baby Moondancer: *creeped out* You two are weird.
And the bar is revealed in all it's bar-y glory.
Nine: It's all coming back to me! And by "all" I mean "not at all."
Ten: How does that work, anyway? Shouldn't I have already been here, as you?
Nine: Quiet, I'm having a moment.
Scooby Doo and Shaggy quickly run off to get high and drunk together. And whatever else. Um. Those types do.
Shaggy: All right, Scoob! Drinks are on me!
Scooby Doo: Rall right!!
Everyone else approaches the bar, with Freddie.
Freddie: The St. Louis pub has been having some hard times lately, so please order as much as you like. We've not had many customers.
Nine: Something is rotten in the state of Denmark.
Ten: Do you like pina coladas?
Freddie: Well, give your drink orders to the bartender, my gorgeous boyfriend--
Freddie: Captain Jack Harkness!
Nine: What the fuck?
Ten: Holy shit?
Nine: OMFG JACK!!!
Ten: ROFL JACK!!!!
Nine: I can't believe it's really you! You look FANTASTIC! :D:D:D
Ten: Jack! It's been ages!
Jack: ... DOC?
Freddie: You two know each other?
Awww, reunion. XD
Nine: Like hell we do. We saved the universe together.
Jack's arms are in no way disfigured.
Nine: God, I missed you.
Jack: I can tell. ;);)
Several minutes pass.
Jack: You really, really missed me, didn't you? You big boy.
Nine: You smell good. And feel good. And are slightly taller than I recall. And smell oddly like white out, paint and marker.
Ten & Freddie: AHEM!
But Nine and Jack don't seem to notice.
Ten: I know how he feels, but, god dammit.
Freddie: He's hopeless.
Enough is enough, and Ten intervenes.
Ten: Down boy! Remember who you're here with!
Jack: Sorry about that, Doc. *nods* Nice to meet you, Doc's boyfriend. I must say, not bad.
Freddie decides to intevene too.
Freddie: Jack has been working here for two years now, and as my boyfriend that long. We're very happy, and very monogamous. Together.
Nine: Ha! Don't believe that for a minute, me.
Jack: Freddie, I want you to meet the Doctor. Sure, he left me for dead on a Space Station thousands of years in the future, which I miraculous, unexplainedly, escaped from. But he saved me from gas mask monsters during WWII and the inevitable destruction of my stolen time-and-space ship when I teleported a bomb free of a hospital. He and I saved the universe together, not to mention took out some Slitheens, harassed the geisha in Kyoto circa 1666 and wiped out the Daleks. He is, hands down, the most amazing lay you'll ever have. Outside of me, of course. Oh, and that midget on Orion 7. Damn, that guy is frisky. Where's Rose?
Freddie: ... what?
Noticing the new arrival.
Nine: Uh, yeah. This Baby Moondancer. Rose is home, visiting Mickey.
Jack: *charming smile* Well, hello there.
Baby Moondancer: ... I'm a fucking horse.
Jack: And I'm fucking hung like one. Just ask Scoob.
Scooby Doo: Re's right!
Baby Moondancer: I'm going to take you out back and murder you for that mental image.
Scooby Doo: Rokay!
Shaggy: Like, it's all about love, man.
Scooby Doo: Reah, rove!
Baby Moondancers: MY EYES!!!!!!
Ten: Okay, I am officially disgusted.
Nine: I'm pretending that never happened.
Baby Moondancer: So. Back to the story. There's a monster attacking and keeping people away from the bar? Is that it?
Nine: Oh yeah. Adventures imply . . . adventuring.
Ten: Jack still hasn't hugged me. :(
Baby Moondancer: Can you two think about like, something besides yourselves for more than two minutes!?
Freddie: You're right. There's been a monster attacking. It's scared away all our patrons.
Velma and Daphne return, smelling sort of fishy.
Velma: Jeepers, you guys. I found a clue!
Daphne: Um, what she means is maybe you can help solve the mystery?
Jack: It's not a mystery. A big fucking ape keeps eating tourists. That's all there is to it.
Freddie: Well, it's a mysteriously large ape. We've been trying to thwart it, but none of us are tall enough to pull off his mask.
Yay for group shots.
Nine: Well, we'll help out.
Jack: That's what he does.
Ten: Hey, so do I!
Jack: Let's go. I'll show you where he's been spotted.
Jack leads them out of the bar, turning back once he reaches the top.
Jack: It might be dangerous. If you want to turn back, now's your chance.
Jack: Even the local superheroes avoid this monster.
Ten (OS): God, I hope Superman doesn't show up in this.
Nine (OS): It'll probably be worse.
Continued in Part Two.